


Accursed Flower

by Seeress



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Do not read while drinking liquids, Fluff and Humor, Hanahaki Disease, Humor, M/M, No Angst, You Have Been Warned, lampshading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-01 14:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seeress/pseuds/Seeress
Summary: Yuzuru has a flowering plant in his chest. Javi is an inconsiderate bastard.





	1. The One Where Yuzu Sees The Writing On The Wall (Or Display Screen)

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Yuzu asked, blinking at the doctor. They were at a hospital in Tokyo. Yuzu had acquired a cough and there is a worrying heaviness in his chest. He had gone a few days ago to get tests done and his chest x-rayed. The doctor was now briefing them on the results.

“You have the Hanahaki disease. You have, uh,” the doctor cleared his throat, “a plant growing in your lungs.”

Yuzu blinked at the doctor again. He turned and met his mother’s worried eyes. Five years in Toronto and Yuzu was proud of his steadily improving English. But perhaps he should start worrying that he was losing his grasp on his Japanese. “Are we talking about a fungi?” clarifying the word. A fungal infection is always a risk with using asthma inhalers. He thought he’d been careful but this is easy enough to remedy with anti-fungal medication.

The doctor cleared his throat again. Yuzu thought of offering some of the throat lozenges he had in his backpack. “No, it’s not a fungus, it’s a plant. From what we know from other recorded cases, it’s a flowering plant.”

“How can I have a flowering _plant_ in my -- ”

His mother cut him off with a soothing hand on his arm, patting it, perhaps worried that his incredulous tone would offend the good doctor. “ _Sensei_ ,” Yumi Hanyu began, “what is to be done with this plant? Is there something my son can take to dissolve it? It is interfering with his breathing. And I’m worried about his asthma.” 

“This disease is very rare. We don’t really have a recommended cure for it, other than surgically removing the plant.”

Yuzu felt his mother’s hand tighten reflexively on his arm. “Surgery. That’s sounds drastic.”

“It is. It would be a highly invasive surgery. The plant would have to be rooted out, or we run the risk of it, uh, blooming again,” said the doctor. “And because it would be a thoracic surgery - meaning we’d open up the chest to get to the lungs - the risk is also high.”

Yuzu is barely processing this information but his mother, despite cutting off the blood circulation on his right hand with her grip, is still gamely asking the doctor questions about alternative treatments like radiation or therapy. For his part, Yuzu was trying to inconspicuously read the diplomas hanging on the clinic walls. They looked legit to him but one never really knows these days.

“Well, there _is_ one documented alternative to surgery,” the doctor said hesitatingly. 

Yuzu’s head whipped back to the doctor from his surreptitious examination of the plaques on the shelf.

“What is the alternative?” Yuzu asked, when the doctor appeared unwilling to go further.

“You,” clears throat, “you have to, uh,” clears throat, “be loved back by the person who you love,” the doctor said, rushing to the final part of the sentence with an intensity equal to his previous reluctance to begin it. 

“Loved back?” Yuzu asked.

“Yes. Romantically loved back. Deep, unending friendship, the kind of which will make your object of affection journey to Mordor with you is not enough. The medical literature is quite clear on this,” the doctor said with an emphatic nod. “It must be romantic love.”

“I don’t understand. Why must I be loved back?” asked Yuzu.

“Ah. Didn’t I say?” said the now flustered doctor. “The Hanahaki disease develops when someone has unrequited love for another person.”

Mother and son stared at the doctor with identical looks of disbelief.

“Who am I even supposed to be in love with?” Yuzu asked exasperatedly.

“You don’t know?” said the doctor.

“I only skate!” said Yuzu.

“Ah, well, that’s easy enough to remedy. Here,” the doctor said, pulling up the chest x-ray again on his screen. “Let’s magnify this, take a look at this,” he said in between fiddling with his track pad. “Ah! There it is! The object of your unrequited love,” said the doctor with the flourish of a conjuring magician.

Yuzu read the image appearing on his magnified chest x-ray. It was a bit squiggly, and missing a dot on the i but it definitely spelled “javi”.

“I want a second opinion.”

Six opinions later, Yuzu had to accept that there was a flowering plant currently living in his lungs and it is there because he loved Javi. And Javi - the inconsiderate bastard - does not love him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sensei = an honorific title for doctors
> 
> Drop me a line at the comments section or at onewhiteblossom@gmail.com. I love to talk <3


	2. The One Where Team Japan Formulates A Plan of Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Japan meets. They really should have invited Oda Nobunari.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Tropes 101
> 
> Lampshading is when the characters deliberately call attention to the weirdness of the plot device so the audience doesn't get distracted by the implausibility of the situation and the story can go forward.
> 
> Crack fics are those that would be completely implausible in normal canon situations but works in the fic because of a crazy premise (literally the fic was made while the author was high on crack. Uh, I wasn't though).

Yuzu stood on one side of the room, in front of the TV, facing Team Japan. They were on a break from the ice show practice, waiting for dinner to be called. Satoko sat on the edge of one of the beds, Shoma and his brother Itsuki sat on the other bed, and Keiji was on a chair by the writing table. Technically, Yuzu only called for the Japan Team contingent to attend this meeting but as this was the Uno brothers’ hotel room, he can’t very well eject Itsuki.

“I have the Hanahaki disease,” Yuzu announced to the room grandly. He was met with blank looks and it was only Itsuki who gasped. 

Itsuki got up, walked over to Yuzu and patted him comfortingly on his shoulder. “I’ve always liked you, Hanyu-kun. I will miss you.”

Yuzu moved away, tetchy. “I am not going to die! That’s why we’re having this meeting,” Yuzu said, as Itsuki walked back to the bed. 

“Die? What is this disease?” Keiji asked, concerned. “Wait, are you contagious?”

“No, i’m not.” Yuzu said. “Although sometimes I do think stupidity is contagious,” he muttered. “Hanahaki.” Yuzu continued. “I have a stupid plant growing in my lungs because it seems I stupidly fell in love with someone who stupidly does not love me back. If left untreated, the plant will bloom, I will begin to cough up flower petals and die a nasty, painful death of asphyxiation.”

Yuzu finally heard gasps around the room and felt mollified. Everyone started asking questions at the same time. Yuzu held up his hand for quiet.

“Yes, Satton, I’m sure. I’ve seen 7 different doctors and they all confirm the diagnosis. I can have surgery to get it removed, but that’s risky so it’s being reserved as a final solution. No, Shoma-kun, I wish I was joking. This thing inside me is real and the doctors have assured me that it’s caused by unrequited love. I know it’s stupid but I don’t make the rules.” 

“And really, Keiji? That’s what you want to know?” Yuzu sighed. “I don’t know what kind of plant it is but it’s apparently some flowering plant. Medical records show it tends to be sakura. How an entire tree fits inside a human chest, I have no idea.”

“Is no one going to ask the big question?” Yuzu said, looking expectantly at each of the people in the room, who all gave him concerned but blank looks. “Who is this person I love!” he exclaimed.

“Well, it’s obviously Javi,” said Satoko. Everyone else nodded. “Although I’m surprised it’s unrequited. I always thought he had a thing for you.” More nods around the room.

“What, really?” Yuzu asked, surprised but intrigued.

“Yes, you two can get embarrassing with all your hugging and tickling, and giggling.” 

“Don’t forget the crying and the hand holding.”

“And the looking into each other’s eyes.”

“Poor Shoma-kun here had to endure you on so many podium moments.” Shoma nodded.

“But we’re rinkmates and good rivals. I’m happy for him when he wins, he trains very hard,” Yuzu said.

“Yuzu,” Keiji said, “You have a plant inside your chest because you’re in love with Javi. It’s a medical fact. Why are you still protesting?”

Yuzu conceded the point.

“How did you know about this disease, Itsuki?” Shoma asked his brother.

“Oh, I heard about it in school. It’s all very mysterious, but we hear stories.”

“Like what?” Yuzu was curious himself.

“Well, it mostly affects Koreans and Japanese --”

“Great. As if lactose intolerance and a tendency to get diabetes is not enough,” Keiji interrupted.

“And for some reason it affects famous people more,” continued Itsuki.

“How do you mean?” asked Yuzu.

“Well, like idols would have it. And actors, and manga characters.” Itsuki replied.

“Manga characters?” Satoko interrupted.

“I mean actors who played manga characters,” explained Itsuki smoothly. “So i guess you do fit the profile, Hanyu-kun. You are pretty famous. And beautiful. It affects really good looking people.”

Yuzu blushed and preened. “Thank you.”

“I guess that helps too because it makes it easier for the other person to fall in love with you. I mean you’re gonna need all the help you can get,” said Itsuki.

“Why? What’s gonna happen?” asked Satoko.

“I need to get Javi to fall in love with me. That will cure the disease,” said Yuzu.

Keiji made a hmmm sound. Yuzu rounded on him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, the constant touching he does to you aside, Javi has always had girlfriends before. Do we know if he’s also into guys?” said Keiji. 

“Plus doesn’t he have that new girlfriend in Spain?” asked Satoko.

“I heard they’re on the rocks though. Distance is bad for relationships,” said Keiji.

“Really? That’s too bad. I thought she was pretty from the pics he showed us,” said Satoko.

“Yeah, I thought so too,” replied Keiji.

“Can we focus, please,” Yuzu said exasperated. “I am _dying_ here. He can have a girlfriend from every nation and I still need to make this work,” said Yuzu.

“That could be a good thing though," said Satoko brightly, feeling contrite and determined to make a contribution to the discussion. "I mean if he’s on the rebound, it would make it easier for you to get him to fall in love with you.” 

Yuzu was nodding. “Right, I just need to be pretty, say comforting things, let him cry in my arms, and Bob’s my uncle!”

“Who’s Bob?” Keiji asked, confused.

“I really don’t know,” said Yuzu. “But Ghislain puts great trust in him. I tried to tell him my mother’s brother’s name is Reiji but I don’t think he understood.”

Everyone nodded in sympathy at Yuzu having to deal with foreigners on a daily basis for most of the year.

“Isn’t that like cheating though?” said Shoma hesitantly. “I mean how do you know it’s really love if it’s just rebound. I hear rebound relationships generally don’t work out. Will the disease come back?”

“Or what if he does truly love you but then stops loving you. People break up all the time, they get divorced. Will you relapse?” Satoko said.

Yuzu frowned. He hadn’t discussed that with his doctors. “Let’s just worry about me relapsing after I’ve actually gotten the cure,” Yuzu finally said. Everyone nodded in agreement. 

“Okay! All is fair in love and war, right?” Yuzu said. “So I go up to Javi, tell him I'm dying, and offer comfort --”

“Wait, you’re going to tell him you have Hanahaki?” asked Itsuki.

“Well, of course, I’m going to tell him! If I was having an asthma attack and he had my inhaler in his jeans pocket, I would certainly go over and say can you please give me my inhaler or I will die. He’d be a _sick_ kind of person if he refuses to even try to give my inhaler right?” said Yuzu.

"Point. It's just that in the stories I've heard, they usually don't tell the other person about the disease," said Itsuki. 

"Why not?" asked Yuzu.

"Well because telling them of the disease means you'll have to admit you loved them. And no one wants to ruin a good friendship with awkwardness because that's what "unrequited" means, they don't love you back," said Itsuki.

"That's crazy. Not telling them will mean it would be a _very_ short friendship, what with you dying and all," Yuzu all but snorted.

“Yuzu, wait. Wouldn’t telling Javi about the disease guilt him into loving you? That might not be the kind of love you need," Satoko said.

"And wouldn’t he feel pity for you instead of love?” said Itsuki.

Yuzu had zero problems with manipulating any guilt feelings that Javi may have, but pity is something else. “Okay, I may be dying but I don't need pity from anyone,” Yuzu said, eyes going hard.

Itsuki meeped and hid behind his brother. Shoma patted Itsuki, more used to Yuzu in this mode. “So how about you do that as a last resort. Try to get him to love you the normal way first," said Shoma. 

“Sex?”’ Yuzu asked.

The men in the room nodded.

“I’m sure he’d be up to it if you hint you’re interested. He’s seen you in your tight fitting training outfits all these years, I’m sure he’s entertained _some_ thoughts," Shoma said.

Satoko giggled, and the boys looked at her. “I just remembered, Javi looked dazed when you were performing your LGC program.”

Yuzu perked up at that. He had asked Javi how he liked the program, and Javi was always non-committal about it, mostly just clearing his throat. 

“He’s not a teenager full of testosterone anymore though. Will he still have sex on his mind?” Yuzu asked, fact checking.

Keiji snorted. “He’s a hot-blooded Spaniard. He’ll be up for sex.”

Yuzu nods. He liked this plan.

“I don’t know,” said Satoko. “Shouldn’t you court him first? What if he thinks it’s just a hook-up? You need him to love you. And he’s Spanish, he likes romantic things.”

“Romantic things like?” Yuzu asked.

“You know, dinner, wine, some music. Stuff like that.”

“We’re both on a strict nutritional diet, I don’t drink alcohol, and our music tastes don’t really match,” Yuzu said.

Yuzu heard pen scratching on paper. “Keiji, are you taking notes?”

“NO! Umm, yes? For minutes of the meeting?” Keiji replied.

A thought struck Yuzu and he looked around the room. “Who among us has actually been in a relationship before?” Only Itsuki raised his hand. “Anyone who has dated someone before?” Again only Itsuki.

Yuzu groaned. “This is like the blind leading the blind. We should have had Nobu-kun here.” 

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re all crazy intense athletes with stunted emotional growths,” Itsuki said. "There's more to life than skating, you know?" Itsuki was met with four faces bearing varying degrees of incomprehension. "Never mind," he sighed. "Go, Team Japan!"

“Okay, we are intelligent, highly motivated people. We can do this," Yuzu said. "Itsuki-kun, in the stories you’ve heard did the other person love them back?”

“Well, it depends. Sometimes they did get loved back, sometimes they died.”

“Why did they die? The surgery wasn’t successful?” Yuzu said, concerned now. The doctors had assured him that the x-ray and scans showed the plant would be relatively easy to extract. 

“Well, no. They don’t usually get the surgery done.”

“What? Why? With the new video-assisted surgery, I was told hospital stay would be a week, then a couple more for recovery. Obviously I can’t train until I heal properly but it shouldn’t put me out of commission for more than a couple of months. If I schedule it at the beginning of May, I’d still be good in time for start of season. I just don’t want to go through it unless I absolutely have to,” Yuzu said. 

“There’s a side-effect to the surgery, I hear. Like you’ll forget that you loved that person,” said Itsuki.

“As a result of the anaesthesia?” Yuzu said. The last time they put him under general anaesthesia the hospital screwed up so bad they had to extend his hospital stay for another week. He’d happily blame it for a lot of things going wrong with surgery.

“Not really. But somehow, if you get the plant removed surgically, you also remove memories about the person you love,” replied Itsuki.

“They remove something from my lungs, and it affects my memories which are stored in the brain?” Yuzu asked incredulously.

“Hey, I don’t make up the rules, man,” Itsuki said, putting his hands up.

“I guess it sort of makes sense, if you squint hard enough,” said Satoko slowly, considering. “I mean if removing the plant means removing the memories, then you won’t remember why you loved them in the first place and the disease won’t recur. So it could be a natural side effect of the cure.”

“Okay, but then why not elect to have the surgery?” asked Yuzu.

“In most of the stories I’ve heard, they would rather die than forget the person they loved.”

Yuzu was aghast. “But if you die, you don’t remember anyone at all. You’re dead!”

“I guess they think dying would be better than forgetting. Although if you did go through the operation and have forgotten the person, then you’re okay and happy because you don’t know any better. So I guess it evens out in the end?” Itsuki ended, on a questioning note. "The girls in my class all think it's romantic. To die coughing out pretty petals rather than forget the person you love."

Yuzu snorted. "I have asthma. There is nothing pretty about gasping for air. It would be a horrible way to die."

“How does this thing even know anyway?” Yuzu said, looking down at his chest, stroking it. “How did it know I love Javi, and that Javi doesn’t love me back?”

“Do you think it’s sentient?” asked Shoma.

Yuzu whipped his head up, horrified at the suggestion of a sentient creature residing in his chest. Visions of the monster in the Alien movies that he marathoned with Alex Shibutani and Shoma two years ago popping in his brain. 

“That’s it. Javi has three weeks to get with the program. The plan is to wine and dine Javi, get him in bed, he'll fall in love with me. And I can go back to skating," said Yuzu. 

Yuzu is nothing if not goal-oriented. Javier Fernandez won't know what hit him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Team Japan calls Satoko "Satton" because they're cute that way. 
> 
> Itsuki almost got us into Meta fic category but 2 tropes in one fic is enough. Good thing he thinks fast on his feet!
> 
> Drop me a line at the comments below or at onewhiteblossom@gmail.com. I love talking <3


	3. The One Where Yuzuru Executes the Plan with Mixed Success

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru wines, dines, and takes Javi to bed but forgets about mood music.

Yuzu started the day as a man with a plan. He mentally ran through the list of things he needed to do to get Javi to fall in love with him. Be pretty. Give comfort. Wine and dine. Have sex. As a last resort, Yuzu can tell Javi he was dying. Yuzu is sure with some strategic tears, Javi could be persuaded to have sex with him. He’s been told more than once that he looked pretty when he cries. 

He was ready. All he needed now was to find Javi. 

This proved to be more difficult than he thought. Javi wasn’t at breakfast. He wasn’t at morning practice either. Yuzu really needs to have a talk with Javi at how inconsiderate he is being.

Yuzu spent the lunch break on the ice, opting to just eat an energy bar instead of following the other skaters to the dining area. He was on edge and wanted time alone on the ice to settle his nerves. He’s been doing the usual stroking exercises that Tracy has them do in Toronto. They’re simple but require good control. Yuzu is familiar enough with the sequence that he could do it on auto-pilot, his mind disengaging and he could just enjoy the feel of the ice beneath his skates, the sound of the blade with each stroke. He came back to earth to find that someone had joined him on the rink and was matching him stroke for stroke. That meant Javi. They skated for a while, moving as one, years of familiarity with one another evident with each stroke. 

“If we ever decide to do pairs, we’d give Valentina and Ondrej a run for their money,” Javi said, pleased, when they finally got to the end of their sequence and stopped. They were breathing hard; not tired, but it was a good work-out. “We should use that as a joint exhibition. We look good skating together. And we don’t even need to practice,” Javi said with a smile.

Yuzu smiled back, pleased as well. He used one sleeve to wipe the sweat off his brow and froze. He was supposed to be pretty when Javi saw him, not sweating like a pig -- an English saying that Yuzu never understood because pigs don’t sweat and actually need to wallow in mud to keep their body temperature down. Yuzu willed his sweat glands to stop producing so much moisture. It really is unacceptable how much his own body refuses to obey him.

Yuzu skated to where he left his yellow Pooh towel at the edge of the rink. Javi followed. Yuzu wiped his face and neck, and hoped his hair was lying down instead of sticking out all over the place, but he doesn’t hold out much hope. His hair strands are as problematic as his sweat glands.

“I didn’t see you this morning at practice,” Yuzu said. He lifted the fitted long sleeved top over his head. The bottom of his short sleeved top rode up with the action, showing a strip of smooth, bare skin covering tight muscles. He wiped the sweat there as well before he pulled the edge of the shirt down. Javi followed the movement with his eyes. Stupid sweat glands. 

“Javi?” Yuzu prompted.

“Yeah, I had an errand to do this morning,” Javi said, shaking himself back to the present.

“How about later, after practice? Do you have plans?” Yuzu asked. He debated whether he should bat his eyelashes as Satoko told him to do, but decided he should probably practice in front of the mirror first.

“None, really. Why, something you wanna do?” Javi said, curious.

“I think maybe we can have dinner and wine,” Yuzu said.

“Dinner, sure. That sounds good. The wine though, I thought you didn’t like to drink?” Javi said.

Yuzu pursed his lips. He doesn’t. But it’s on the list. “Maybe I can have just a little,” he finally said.

“Do you want to invite the others to come with us? Shoma-kun, maybe?” Javi asked.

Yuzu shook his head. He would have liked to have his teammates there for moral support, and because he does enjoy their company. But he has this impression that a romantic dinner meant just dinner for two, not the entire Team Japan and Itsuki Uno.

Which is how he found himself alone in the hotel lobby at 7pm, waiting. Javi came down wearing a dark blue shirt, his curls still a little damp from his shower. He smiled when he saw Yuzu. Yuzu saw some ladies in the lobby almost faint and thought that, really, Javi in this blue shirt shouldn’t be allowed in public. 

Yuzu himself was also in a blue collared shirt, but a paler shade. He had stood in front of his luggage, scratching his head at which clothing option could possibly make him look pretty tonight. Yuzu finally picked the blue shirt as it was the only one that wasn’t either a printed t-shirt or a training gear. 

Yuzu stepped up for a hug, not forgetting to give some comforting pats to Javi’s back, just to get things checked off his to-do list. Yuzu doesn’t wear colognes or perfumes himself, but he liked this scent on Javi. Yuzu thinks its an aftershave as he generally smells it on Javi on mornings when he was clean shaven, as he is now. It’s nice and familiar.

“So where are we having dinner?” Javi asked, already walking towards the door.

Yuzu belatedly realized that he should have checked google for recommended restaurants in the area. He generally doesn’t eat out. There was always the nutritional considerations and, when in Japan, the real possibility of being politely mobbed to death by his fans. 

Javi looked back at Yuzu, saw the consternation on his face and laughed. “Never mind. Let’s just go to this Japanese place I know from last year. They had an English menu and the sake was good.”

It wasn’t far from the hotel and not 15 minutes later, they were already seated, and browsing the menu. Yuzu ordered a balanced meal of proteins, carbs, and fat. Javi was in the mood to sample the menu offerings. 

Javi also ordered sake. 

Yuzu frowned. He looked at drinks menu and saw an outstanding variety of osake and whisky but no wine. Satoko was clear on the wine. Maybe they should have gone to an Italian or French restaurant instead. But Yuzu cannot process dairy and he can never find anything there that’s not smothered in either cheese or cream. 

“What’s wrong?” Javi asked.

“I wanted to have wine,” Yuzu said, “but there’s none,” indicating the offending menu.

Javi glanced down at his. “Sure there is. Here,” Javi said, pointing to something. And sure enough, on the English menu there were names listed under Plum Wine. Yuzu compared it to his menu which read Umeshu. 

“Oh, well, that works then,” Yuzu said, relieved.

Their food and drinks arrived. Javi’s sake was a clear liquid. Yuzu’s plum wine was a beautiful shade of purple gold, like a pale sunset. Yuzu took a sip and was pleasantly surprised at the taste. It was sweet, but not sickeningly so. And tart. It smelled divine, reminding him of summer days. Best of all, it didn’t taste like alcohol at all. More like a fruit juice. Yuzu took another sip, bigger this time, and decided he could get used to drinking if alcohol tasted like this.

That was his last clear memory of the evening.

He remembered there was food, and highly amusing conversation, and Javi at one point reaching over and tasting Yuzu’s drink for himself. Javi’s eyebrows had gone up. Yuzu thought he looked funny but in a good way and told him so.

The next thing Yuzu knows, there is someone pounding on the door, and someone had turned the sun on all the way up. Probably the same sadistic someone. After a while, Yuzu realized that the hammering was not on the door but inside his head. Which was a good thing as he didn’t think he could possibly get up to open doors for people.

But now that he’s awake, his body parts began sending signals to his brain, checking in. He was in bed, under the covers. The curtains were actually mostly closed, not drawn, and he didn’t know where the intense brightness was coming from. He gingerly turned his head and saw someone sleeping beside him, back to him. Despite the concerto happening inside his head, he had no difficulty identifying that particular back of the head, with its curls and toned nape.

Yuzu was in bed with Javi. 

Yuzu looked down at himself and saw bare chest. He peeped under the covers. He was definitely naked. He was also definitely miffed. He finally gets to have sex with Javi and he misses it completely. He tried to sit up and failed, groaning instead and closing his eyes in misery.

He felt Javi move beside him, bed covers rustling. “You awake, Yuzu? Ready to face the consequences of your actions last night?’

Yuzu bravely opened his eyes. Javi had sat up, still sleepy eyed but was smiling down at Yuzu. In contrast to Yuzu’s decided nakedness, Javi was wearing a shirt, the soft, thin-from-years-of-being-washed kind that made Yuzu contemplate stealing it from Javi’s luggage.

“Let me get you some water. It will help with the dehydration,” Javi padded away and, Yuzu could see, was fully clothed; a pair of sweatpants completing the emsemble.

Javi helped Yuzu sit up and gave him the glass of water. Yuzu took sips and felt marginally better. Sitting up made the covers slide down his chest, where it now covered his hips and naked bits with the barest passing grade on decency. 

“I’m naked,” Yuzu said. He looked around the room. It wasn’t his. “And in your bed,” he told Javi, who was sitting on the edge of said bed.

“Yes, you are. You were very insistent on it,” Javi said still smiling. “You wouldn’t tell me your room number. You insisted you wanted to be in my bed. That it was part of your list.”

Yuzu groaned, handed Javi the drinking glass, and flopped back down on the bed. But Javi wasn’t finished. 

“The second we got inside the room, you started taking off your clothes - all of your clothes - got in the bed, said it’s past your bedtime, and promptly fell asleep.”

Yuzu wined and dined, and got into Javi’s bed but managed to skip the sex part. He wondered if he can get partial points from doing just some of the things in his list, like doing full rotations on a jump but flubbing the landing. 

“I have to say this is a first for me. I’ve seen you naked before, we’ve shared beds before, but this is the first time we’ve shared beds while you’re naked,” Javi teased.

“You weren’t naked like me though,” Yuzu said.

As if his attention was called to it, Javi’s eyes flicked down Yuzu’s bare chest, down his hips, to the V where the bed covers finally began to do its job of actually covering Yuzu. 

“No, I wasn’t,” said Javi, clearing his throat. “I figured one of us had to stay sane.”

Yuzu was already naked in Javi’s bed and was loath to waste the opportunity. He mentally ran through his list and pondered how best to get Javi to shed his clothes and get back in bed with him. 

“Javi,” Yuzu said, “would you like to me to comfort you?”

“What?” Javi had frozen and was looking down at Yuzu with a weird expression on his face.

“You know, I could hold you while you cry. Like you do for me,” Yuzu said earnestly. He half got up, propping himself on one elbow. 

Javi was still looking at him oddly. “Not that I don’t appreciate the effort, but why would you think I need to cry?”

“Keiji said you and your new girlfriend are not in a good place,” Yuzu said.

“Ahh, that.” Javi’s expression cleared and he was smiling down at Yuzu again.

“Yes. So, would you like to cry?” Yuzu asked, opening his arms.

“You’re naked, Yuzu,” Javi said, amused. “You can’t go around asking people if they want hugs when you’re naked.”

Yuzu rather thought that was the whole point. “Details,” Yuzu said instead. “And I didn’t ask people, I asked you.”

Javi hesitated, then sighed. “This is why Brian is on my case. I indulge you too much and you’re getting spoiled,” Javi said, shaking his head.

Javi pulled up the sheet all the way to Yuzu’s neck and tucked it around him with more force than Yuzu thought was necessary. There were some maneuvering but the Yuzu burrito somehow ended up half seated on the bed inside Javi’s circle of arms, his back against Javi’s chest. Javi was propped against the bed frame. Yuzu protested that he was supposed to be holding Javi so he could comfort him but Javi said this was pretty comforting enough. Yuzu had to agree; he definitely felt comforted.

“Are you feeling comforted?” Yuzu asked, recalling his agenda.

“Very much,” said Javi, traces of laughter in his voice.

“Good,” Yuzu said with satisfaction.

Javi laughed outright this time. “What is it with you today and comforting me?”

“You always make me feel better. I want to make you feel better with your break-up,” Yuzu wasn’t sure about actual status of Javi’s relationship. But Javi didn’t deny it.

“I’m okay, Yuzu. She and I, it was an easy thing being together. I liked her and we had fun together.”

“You liked her because she was fun?” Yuzu asked, curious about what Javi likes.

“I liked her because it was easy to be with her. Uncomplicated. I didn’t have to wish for things to be different.” Yuzu felt Javi’s arms tighten around him. “Being with her made me happy, not thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking about.”

“Enough about me,” Javi said, shaking Yuzu slightly. “What about you,” Javi asked, “do you need comforting about something?”

“No. Yes. I mean, I have a question first. And you are the best person to answer because you spend the most time with me,” Yuzu said.

“What’s the question?”

“Am I difficult to love, Javi? Do you think you would be able to love me?” Yuzu asked, tilting his head. He wished he could see Javi’s face but Yuzu was facing away, firmly tucked under Javi’s chin. 

“You mean if I ignore your mood swings, total focus on skating making any relationship impossible, habit of ignoring me when you’re frustrated, crazy competitiveness that you can’t be happy for me when I win, how you don’t want to go out for dinner or drinks or movies making dates impossible, how you tell non-funny jokes, and --

“Enough! I get it. I’m a horrible person and no one will ever love me,” Yuzu said, irritated. “You got one thing wrong though, I _am_ happy for you when you win.

“I know.” Yuzu felt Javi drop a kiss the top of his head, soothing him. “You just don’t like losing.”

“Why do you ask?” Javi said. “Have you met someone?” Javi asked, his arms tightening around Yuzu. 

Yuzu shook his head. “92,000 people lined the streets in Sendai for my parade. Stadiums and stadiums and stadiums of people all say they love me. I thought I was doing good. Not drop dead gorgeous or tall and handsome, but you know, I thought I was okay. But I was told by 7 people that I’m not as easy to love as I thought I was.”

“Really? 7 people? That many?” Javi said, teasing.

Yuzu wriggled inside his wrapping, jostling Javi. “I’m serious.”

“Yuzu, those 7 people are just stupid,” Javi said.

“They’re all highly educated,” Yuzu said.

“Yeah, well, maybe, but they’re still stupid in this case because they don’t know what they’re talking about. Yuzu, no one can spend any amount of time with you and not love you,” Javi said.

“You just gave a list of horrible things about me!” Yuzu exclaimed.

“And It’s an accurate list. You _are_ annoying and frustrating and aggravating and --”

“I said, I get it,” Yuzu groused.

“But you’re also a lot of good things. The way you move on the ice. Your smile. How you like to tease people but it’s never malicious. How you treat everyone with kindness and respect from the ISU president to the zamboni driver. Especially the zamboni driver,” Javi said. “This is a long list. I won’t say it all, you’ll get bored.”

Yuzu smiled at the teasing tone. Then sighed. “Then I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“Javi, I’m sick. There’s something in my lungs. It’s not contagious,” he hurried to reassure Javi whose face was, at the moment, so close to Yuzu’s own face that they were practically exchanging breaths.

“Is it your asthma? I thought you were doing better, getting that under control,” Javi said.

“No, it’s different. But I’m working on it. I’ve had tests done and following doctors’ advice. It’s only that it has made me look at things, look at myself. And I don’t think I like what I see. I’m selfish, Javi.”

“Hey! You are focused and you want to win. That’s different. You don’t step on other people to get there. We are elite athletes, Yuzu. We are all selfish, if you want to use that word,” Javi said.

Yuzu snuggled in, processing Javi’s words. “This is all wrong,” Yuzu said with a sigh.

“What is?” Javi asked.

“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” Yuzu said, plaintive. 

Yuzu felt Javi laughing behind him, his breath fluttering the hair at his nape. “I’m plenty comforted, don’t worry.”

Yuzu was contemplating whether they really needed to get to the sex part when this comfort thing was already so good, when he saw the digital clock on the bedside table. 

“Is that the time?” Yuzu asked, mildly panicked.

Javi turned to look and said “Yeah, i set an alarm for an hour ago but you looked dead to the world so I turned it off and went back to sleep.”’ 

Yuzu sat up and struggled out of the tortilla bed covers. He left the bed, heedless of the state of his undress. As Javi said, he has seen Yuzu naked before, countless times. Just never in a room with a bed in it. He hurried over to a pile of clothes by the desk, correctly assuming it was his, and started dressing. Yuzu checked his pockets for his room key. 

Yuzu went back to Javi, who was now standing in the middle of the room with another weird expression on his face. He stepped in for a hug and Javi automatically wrapped his arms around Yuzu. “Thank you, Javi. See you later at practice,” Yuzu said against Javi’s’ neck, not forgetting the comforting pats. With a final smile at Javi, Yuzu turned and left the room.

They were both late for practice.

It was now afternoon break and Yuzu was alone at the lounge. He was looking through the music selection in his phone, checking which would be appropriate to get Javi in the mood for sex. He had gone over Keiji’s notes over lunch and, sure enough, Yuzu had forgotten all about the mood music. 

Team Japan had been suitably impressed with Yuzu landing naked on Javi’s bed on the first try, and were encouraging of his future efforts, with the hope that he manages to stay awake next time for things to actually happen. Yuzu had mentally adjusted the timing of his plans; he is usually in bed by 10 and asleep half an hour later. If he wants to be awake for next time, he needs to be in the vicinity of Javi’s bed by 8pm, 8:30pm max. Yuzu needs his 8-9 hours of sleep. That made dinner outings impractical. And the wine didn‘t contribute positively to the endeavor anyway. Yuzu is hoping music would work better.

The problem was Yuzu and Javi’s taste in music really didn’t match that well. Javi listened to full-voiced ladies singing about how she waits for her _querido_ to return while a Spanish guitar does beautiful rifts in time with the angst. Yuzu likes Japanese emo pop rock. There wasn’t much middle ground. Yuzu gave up on his playlist with a sigh and resolved to ask advice from his other Spanish rinkmate. He can send Raya an email later.

Yuzu instead called up the song that Tatiana Tarasova had sent him a few days ago, with a note saying she heard the song and thought it would be perfect for him. It was beautiful. Hauntingly so. Yuzu could listen to it over and over and still get moved each time. It was pain, it was loneliness. But it was also hope and rebirth. A soaring joy found at the end of a long road full of hardship and sorrow. 

Yuzu had his eyes closed, listening through his earphones, breath catching in time with the music’s crescendo. He opened his eyes as the last quiet notes faded, and saw Javi standing in front of him, a smile and curious look on his face. 

“Hey,” Javi said in greeting. “You looked like you were worlds away.”

Yuzu moved over and Javi sat down on the couch beside him, their knees touching.

“You wanna listen?” Yuzu asked, handing Javi the earphones at his nod. “Tat sent me this piece,” Yuzu explained. “I already send to David so he can plan a choreography. It’s called _Notte Stellata_. You remember my swan exhibition?”

Javi nodded. “White Legend,” he said. 

“This also a swan, but swan who can finally fly after grounded for so long,” Yuzu said.

Yuzu pressed play, and looked at Javi expectantly, resting one hand on Javi’s thigh. Yuzu had listened to the song so often he could practically hear what Javi was hearing as well. Javi would close his eyes at certain points of the music and Yuzu’s heart would clench for he knew exactly what those notes were. Yuzu kept his eyes on Javi, and Javi held his gaze. 

“It’s beautiful, Yuzu,” Javi said when the song finished, taking the earphones out. “If I was to pick a song for you, this would be it. It suits you very well. I can see it clearly. You as a beautiful swan, overcoming adversity, ready to fly again.”

Yuzu felt warmth spread through his chest. Javi reached out to cup Yuzu’s face, and wiped a tear from his cheek. 

“You’re crying,” Javi said, smiling at Yuzu softly.

“I’m not crying,” Yuzu said with a delicate sniffle.

“Of course, you’re not,” Javi said, still smiling, wiping away another non-existent tear. 

“There you go again,” Yuzu said.

Javi raised an eyebrow.

“You keep indulging me,” Yuzu said.

Javi laughed. “Are you complaining?”

“No, but I wish that sometimes, you’d let me indulge you too,” Yuzu said.

“You should look up the meaning of indulge then, Yuzu. You let me indulge all the time,” Javi said lightly.

Yuzu frowned at Javi, unsure what the word play meant. Yuzu’s English was significantly better than it was before but it still had much room for improvement, and it grated on his perfectionist nerves.

“Indulge is you let me do what I want, yes?” Yuzu asked hesitantly.

“Yes. But it works both ways. To indulge also means I give in and do I want to do,” Javi responded.

“What do you want to do?” Yuzu asked.

“To indulge you,” Javi said, smiling.

“Oh,” said Yuzu.

“Complaining?” Javi teased.

“No.” Yuzu smiled, happy and content.

Javi laughed. “I didn’t think so.”

Seeing Javi laugh, Yuzu had an epiphany. He really did love Javi. Yuzu has a flowering plant in his chest because he loved this wonderful, gracious, kind, _gentle_ man who spends considerable time making Yuzu laugh, indulging him, cheering him on, lending him strength, despite Yuzu’s single-minded pursuit of perfection, which made him sharp-edged and a less than ideal friend and companion. Javi who has a string of girlfriends and women fawning all over him wherever he goes. 

Yuzu ached. He could just imagine the flower in his chest blooming. _Well_ , Yuzu thought, _this sucked_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Javier Raya, or the other Javier, also trains in TCC during the summer months.
> 
> [2] Tatiana Tarasova, or Tat, is a renowned Russian coach who just _loves_ Yuzuru to bits. Yuzuru returns the sentiments from all accounts, and keeps trying to pirate her for Team Japan LOL. She sent Yuzu the Il Volo version of Notte Stellata.  
>  See this cute vid [ here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV_NXTWtRW0) of Yuzu hugging Tat.
> 
> [3] Choreographer David Wilson gave Yuzu 2 uninspired free programs (Notre Dame and RomiJuri 2.0). But I will forgive him that for the beauty that is the Notte Stellata program. 
> 
> [4] I had planned this fic to be set sometime April 2017. When _Notte Stellata_ inserted its way into the fic, it put me in a bind because Tat gave that to Yuzu around March 2016. Rather than change the timeline, which will mess up a lot of Javi details, let's all just pretend that Yuzu got the piece a year later.


	4. Interlude: Or The One Where Yuzu Actually Gets Sane Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru confuses viewing fish tanks with love.

“Yuzu-kun?” 

Yuzu looked up. With a genuine smile, Yuzu got up and hugged Shizuka Arakawa. There are few people Yuzu admired, respected, and actually liked, as he did the beautiful, Olympic gold winner from his hometown of Sendai. 

“Hello, Shi-chan,” Yuzu said, going by the pet name despite that Shizuka had already retired from figure skating before he even graduated from novice. 

“I called you three times before you heard me. Are you alright?” she asked, worry furrowing her brow. She wasn’t here now as part of the ice show but to do a segment for a tv show she hosts. 

Shizuka was Yuzu’s respected _sempai_ the way no other skater is. He didn’t directly compete with her for podium placement like he did Daisuke and Machiba. She wasn’t a consistent silver or bronze to his gold like Shoma or Keiji. She wasn’t his age like Kanako. Or younger like Satoko. She wasn’t like Nobu who was older but horsed around with Yuzu. She wasn’t someone he admired but wanted to compete against and beat like Weir or Plushenko or Lambiel. 

Shizuka was an Olympic champion who skated in the same rink that Yuzu trained in as a child, and was directly instrumental in reviving the same rink when it closed for lack of funds, donating her Olympic winnings to the cause. Shizuka was the reason why Yuzu had the lay-back Inna Bauer in his programs. 

Yuzu didn’t even hesitate.

“Shi-chan, do you have time? Can I talk with you for a moment about something important?” Yuzu said.

“Of course. Is here okay?” she asked, glancing around at the empty dining area.

Yuzu nodded. 

“I’m sick,” he began. “Do you know the Hanahaki disease?”

Shizuka frowned. “Yes. I used to hear about it when i was still in school.”

“I have it.” Yuzu said. “It’s Javi.”

“Oh, Yuzu-kun,” Shizuka said, leaning closer to hold Yuzu’s hand.

“I didn’t know I loved him. Or I did, I just didn’t know it was love. Nobody told me that’s love. I thought it would be different,” Yuzu said petulantly. 

“What did you think it would be?” Shizuka asked.

“Going on dates,” Yuzu said promptly. He was very certain about this. “My classmates used to go to the aquarium or amusement park. But I haven’t gone on either, I have training. So I thought how could I be in love?” Yuzu said. He was pouting now. He had been looking forward to going to an aquarium and falling in love after he retired. Javi is ruining everything.

“And how is it with Javi?” Shizuka asked gently.

Yuzu sighed, closing his eyes. “Javi is Javi,” he said. “I breathe air all the time, I feel the sun all the time. Nobody told me that’s love. How was I supposed to know?” 

Shizuka squeezed Yuzu’s hand in sympathy. “Have you talked with him about this?” 

“No,” Yuzu shook his head. “I had a meeting with the team and we agreed it might not be a good idea.”

“Why not?” Shizuka asked, surprised.

Yuzu recalled a confused reasoning about pity and guilt and cheating, and just shrugged in reply.

“Yuzu-kun,” Shizuka said gently, “if you have love enough for Javi to make a flower bloom in your chest, don’t you think he deserves to know? And regardless of his answer, don’t you think _you_ deserve to be able to tell him? Love that powerful shouldn’t be hidden away,” Shizuka said.

“The doctors say the flower blooms because Javi doesn’t love me back,” Yuzu said, his pretty eyes pools of sadness, like a puppy told “no” by its human.

“And what do you say?” Shizuka asked. 

“That I am important to Javi,” Yuzu replied after some consideration. “But I don’t know if that is enough. They say it cannot be friendship, it must be real love.”

Shizuka considered. “Yuzu-kun, do you know who my best friend is?” she asked.

Yuzu shook his head.

“I married him 4 years ago,” she said smiling. “We were good friends long before the thought of being lovers even came to our minds. Now, I do not know how I could ever have lived without him. There is no one else I would rather have by my side.”

“I’ve always heard that the Hanahaki blooms are beautiful,” Shizuka said. “You know Javi much better than I do, Yuzu-kun. But I do know you. And you should trust yourself, and believe that you would only have loved a person worthy of that flower.”

Shizuka smiled at Yuzu and wiped his tears away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Shizuka Arakawa is just so _so_ lovely. I  <3 her so much. If I ever have Hanahaki disease, I want her by my side. I heard she's pregnant, otherwise I would bet that she would have been in _Continues with Wings_.
> 
> EDIT: I just heard that Shi-chan gave birth to a baby boy! What perfect timing to post this chapter <3
> 
> [ Shi-chan and Yuzu doing Inna Bauer](https://twitter.com/miruru1207/status/998909679194566656). Be prepared for a heart attack.
> 
> [2] This is for everyone who cried reading Chapter 4 of [ Of Medals and Prizes ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14532987/chapters/33578199). Imagine reading a Hanahaki fic to feel better because an angst fic made you too sad asdfghjk


	5. The One Where Yuzuru is Ready for his Date with Javi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzu gets better at arranging dates but gets distracted and misses seeing the penguins.

Yuzu has a new list. It’s a lot shorter than the previous one but Yuzu is hopeful this will do the trick. Go on a date with Javi. Tell him he loves him. If all goes well, Javi will love him back and this whole aggressive flora predicament will be at an end.

Dinner and drinks are now out of the question. Yuzu kept circling back to the idea of going to a theme park or an aquarium, the way his school friends did. The problem was those places were usually packed with people and he can’t very well walk around holding hands with Javi with several bodyguards in tow, bowing at people taking pictures of him. 

Yuzu pulled up the website of the aquarium in Osaka, the next city in their ice tour. It boasts of being one of the biggest aquariums in the world. Next he called one of his assistants. If he agrees to pose for some promotional posters, would the aquarium authorities allow Yuzu to tour the facility for a couple of hours before it opens to the public? Half an hour later, his assistant called back to say the aquarium would be delighted to host him. It took another three hours for his management team to fine-tune the details, settling the date of the visit, placing restrictions on any CCTV footage Yuzu may appear in. His PR insisted on tying it up with marine conservation efforts in the Osaka region for a better use of the Yuzuru Hanyu brand. Two days later, his legal team has finalized the terms and Yuzuru signed the contract.

He is now ready for his date with Javi.

But first, Yuzu had to do the hard part. He stood in front of Javi’s hotel door, feeling nervous. He has been in and out of Javi’s room in various cities around the world for the last 5 years. Just a few nights ago, Yuzu was behind this door, naked and in Javi’s bed. There was no reason for his heart to pound and his palms to sweat. Stupid cardio muscles, stupid sweat glands. 

Yuzu took a deep breath and knocked on the door. There was no response. Yuzu knocked again, louder this time, some of the nervousness turning to impatience. Now that he had taken the Spanish bull by the horns, so to speak, Yuzu did not relish slinking back to his rooms with his goal unaccomplished. He was about to knock again when the door opened. Yuzu saw Javi’s expression go from polite inquiry to delight. 

“Hey,” Javi greeted with a smile. 

Yuzu had prepared a speech explaining in detail why he was knocking on Javi’s door but Javi was already stepping back to let him in. Yuzu was torn between relief and chagrin. On one hand, the door was already open; on the other, all that practice time in front of the mirror is now wasted. He could have spent the time doing extra spin practice on the ice! 

Javi didn’t seem surprised, or even curious at Yuzu’s sudden appearance, simply pleased at his presence. He ushered Yuzu farther inside the room. There were clothes piled on top of the chair and Javi led him to sit on the bed instead. A laptop was open, the screen paused. 

“You’ve been off the past couple of days. Are you feeling okay?” Javi asked.

Yuzu wasn’t surprised that Javi noticed the change in his behavior. Javi knew him very well. And while Yuzu wasn’t exactly avoiding Javi, he had made space where there usually was none. He had stood a little way away than usual, had sat with a chair or two between them. Knowing that what he felt for Javi was actually love made Yuzu unaccountably nervous whenever his rinkmate was nearby. His mouth grew dry, his hands sweaty, his heart pounded. He worried about his hair and how he looked. Javi had touched him on the waist yesterday to get his attention and Yuzu actually yelped.

It was ridiculous. Obviously something had to be done. 

“Umm, I’m working on it,” Yuzu says.

“Is it the problem with your lungs?” Javi asked, big brown eyes full of concern.

Yuzu nodded, grasping at the excuse conveniently handed to him.

Like one of those clips showing an oblivious man walking towards a banana peel, Yuzu watched Javi’s hand go up to cup his face with a sense of horrified inevitability. He had time to brace himself for the touch but was unprepared for the warmth that spread from the point of contact, down to his chest, all the way to his stomach. Combined with the impact of Javi’s eyes full of concern for him, Yuzu felt like he was hit with a one-two punch. Yuzu melted into the touch and smiled helplessly back at Javi. Yuzu was certain he had a dopey look on his face.

“Let me know if I can help, Yuzu. I’ve noticed you coughing. I really hope you feel better soon.”

“Umm, yeah, about that. Do you have plans Tuesday next week?” Yuzu asked, getting out the words he had practiced.

“No, none. Why?” 

“There’s a place I want to go. I hope maybe you go with me. For, umm, medical reasons.” Yuzu could feel his face heating up. He was starting to sound like the first doctor he consulted. Next he’d be clearing his throat. Javi removed his hand from Yuzu’s cheek but Yuzu’s relief was short lived because Javi touched the back of his hand to Yuzu’s forehead. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Yuzu? You feel hot.” Javi said, frowning.

Yuzu took the distracting hand and held it on his lap. He cleared his throat.

“Do you want a lozenge?” Javi asked.

“No, thank you,” Yuzu replied, now feeling a firm affinity with his doctor. “But Tuesday. Can you go with me on Tuesday? You can come?”

“Sure, I’ll go with you. Is it a hospital?” Javi said.

“Umm, no. Not exactly.”

“Where are we going?”

“The Kaiyukan,” Yuzu said.

“What’s a kaiyukan?” Javi asked.

Yuzu snort giggled. “You’ll see.”

Javi smiled indulgently. “Alright, keep your secrets.”

Yuzu scronched his face at Javi, relief at getting him to say yes making Yuzu giddy.

Javi curled his captured hand against Yuzu’s. “I was gonna watch a movie, you wanna stay for it?”

Yuzu checked the time. He was still within optimal hours to get into Javi’s bed. 

“Okay,” Yuzu said, nodding. “What are we watching?”

“We can pick,” Javi said, smiling. 

Finding out he really did love Javi had thrown Yuzu off balance. Watching a movie with Javi did much to calm Yuzu’s nerves. They settled on the bed, their backs supported by pillows against the headboard, and watched the movie on Javi’s laptop. The bed was large but they sat squeezed together, shoulders touching. At one point Yuzu had slid down and leaned against Javi. Javi promptly brought an arm around Yuzu, cuddling him close.

Even as Yuzu watched the antics on the screen, he wondered why he had even been so nervous. This was Javi.

They settled on a Spanish film that had English subtitles for Yuzu. It was a dark comedy about jilted lovers and mistaken identities, and Yuzu is certain that more than a few cultural references went over his head. He did, however, find one point very interesting. The girl was in love with a man who was in love with her best friend, and she was dying from pining and heartbreak. 

“Feeling better? You didn’t cough all night,” Javi said when the movie ended. 

“This thing inside me,” Yuzu began, touching his chest pensively, “I think maybe it’s here because of what I feel, what I think. It cannot know what other people feel. It only knows _me_. Because how can it know? It’s _my_ sickness. 

“What are you talking about, Yuzu?”

“The girl in movie. Dying, coughing blood. She dying because man she loves doesn’t love her.”

“Yeah, we get that a lot in Spanish dramas. People die of broken hearts all the time.”

“Yes, but what if you only _think_ the other person doesn’t love you? He really loves you back but you don’t know. And you still get sick and broken inside. Sickness doesn’t think, doesn’t know. So still you die.”

“That happens a lot as well in Spanish dramas,” Javi said wryly. “But wait, are you sick because of a broken heart?” he asked, still confused about the conversation.

“No, that’s Spanish. East Asians, we get flowers. They bloom when the one we love don’t love us back.”

“That’s pretty poetic.”

Yuzu snorted. “You’re still dead.”

“You have no poetry in your soul.”

“Only for when I skate,” Yuzu said, smiling. 

They hugged before Yuzu left the room, a move made seamless by years of practice. Now that Yuzu was aware that he loved Javi, he took the time to catalogue how he was feeling. Happiness, check. Familiar scent of Javi and fabric softener, check. Smile on his lips, check. Warmth spreading across his chest, check. Feeling safe inside Javi’s arms, check. Not wanting this to end, check.

So _this_ was love. He thought it was just Javi.

 

Tuesday morning, Yuzu knocked on Javi’s door at the crack of dawn. A bleary eyed Javi opened the door.

“Next time you ask me to go with you, I need to remember to ask first what time before I say yes,” Javi said gruffly.

Yuzu just smiled. He wasn’t an early riser himself but he was excited and it showed. He was practically bouncing on his feet.

“Ready?”

“No, come in for a while. I need a couple more minutes.”

Yuzu followed Javi inside and sat on the unmade bed while Javi continued to the bathroom. They were now in a different hotel room in a different city but two nights ago Yuzu had spent a couple of hours in Javi’s bed. Admittedly, he was fully clothed and still didn’t get to have sex but Yuzu didn’t feel like he was losing ground. He had a good feeling about today.

Javi came out of the bathroom looking a bit more awake and they headed down to the hotel lobby where Yuzu’s team was waiting. Javi raised his eyebrows at the entourage. Yuzu just shrugged. He had to work first before they could play.

“Where are we going, Yuzu?” Javi asked after Yuzu had finished talking with an assistant who read things off a clipboard. They were in a van heading off to somewhere and the sky was fast getting lighter. 

“We go to aquarium,” Yuzu replied, smiling brilliantly.

“Aquarium. You mean, like, fish?” Javi asked.

“Yes, fish. And penguins. And seals. And manta rays. And whale sharks,” Yuzu said, smile broadening with every animal listed. “The Kaiyoukan is one of the biggest aquariums in the world. It has 15 large tanks recreating regions of the Pacific Rim. The centerpiece is the Pacific Ocean tank which is 9 meters deep and 34 meters long.”

“What? Yuzu, why do you sound like a brochure?”

Yuzu reached inside a folder, pulled out such a brochure and handed it to Javi. He opened it and browsed through the items.

“Did you memorize this?” Javi asked incredulously.

“It’s not part of contract, this not a speaking CM, just promotional posters. But I think is good if I know what Kaiyoukan is if maybe people ask about it.”

“What contract? Yuzu, it’s too early for cryptic remarks.”

The gist of it was that Yuzu had agreed to pose for some pictures that the aquarium can use to promote itself, tied up with marine conservation efforts in the Osaka region. As part of the deal, Yuzu will be given free pass to explore the Kaiyoukan before it opens to the public. Yuzu had allotted 2 hours for the photoshoot, leaving him and Javi another 2 hours to go around the aquarium. Yuzu figured that’s enough time for a date. He will confess his love for Javi and they can be back at the hotel by half past 10; plenty of time left to do his daily exercises.

If this doesn’t work, Yuzu thinks they can do the Ueno zoo next. He had always thought pandas cute. 

There were barely any cars on the road and it was a quick trip to the aquarium. They were met by Kaiyoukan personnel and people from production, most of whom were appropriately star struck at seeing Yuzu. They were surprised at Javi’s presence but were too polite to comment on it. Javi nodded politely at everyone. Yuzu had offered for Javi to stay in the van and get more sleep but Javi shook his head, saying to just get him a cup of coffee and he’d be fine. 

Not being given instructions on what to do with the extra world-class figure skater in their hands, they ushered Javi along with Yuzu to the make-shift dressing room. Javi was given the requested coffee and Yuzu was made to change into a shirt with a smiling Jinbei-san on it, the aquarium’s whale shark mascot. Someone found another shirt in Javi’s size and pressed it in his hands with happy smiles and much bowing. Javi was very popular in Japan. 

The photoshoot went faster than Yuzu was expecting. He was mostly just made to stand and smile against a green screen, plus some shots of the exterior and choice exhibits. Yuzu was looking forward to exploring the aquarium later and his excitement showed, making the photographer happy with the shots he was getting.

Yuzu approached Javi, who was now nursing his second cup of coffee. As usually happens when they are together, they beamed smiles at each other. One of Yuzu’s team called their names and took a shot of them from her phone. The shoot photographer clicked off some shots as well. Checking their happy faces in his camera display, the photographer offered to take some shots of Yuzu and Javi. Not for the aquarium promotion, but private shots. Yuzu looked to Javi who just shrugged. After cautioning the photographer, whom Yuzu knew well and has worked with before numerous times, not to publish any of the pics without clearing it first with Yuzu’s team, the two skaters posed for the camera. Mostly fun shots, just the two of them goofing off and laughing. Yuzu’s happiness was almost palpable, affecting everyone around him, captured by the camera.

With the impromptu photoshoot over, the production team began packing up and Yuzu instructed his team to either go on or wait for him in the van. Yuzu and Javi were led to the first exhibit then left alone so they could start their tour of the aquarium.

It was a new experience for Yuzu. It wasn’t just that he had never been to an aquarium before, he could not remember the last time he had done something so unabashedly frivolous. He skipped from one exhibit to the next, peering through the glass, oohing and aahing. Javi walked more sedately beside him, smiling at Yuzu’s obvious enjoyment, seemingly content to watch him more than the marine life on display.

After an hour or so of walking, they reached the centerpiece of the aquarium, a giant tank 3 storeys high and almost 4 times as wide, surrounded by a spiralling floor so you can view the marine life inside from different angles, simulating how some creatures like to stay above near the sun, some below where the water is darker, and some at the bottom, their bellies resting on the floor. Manta rays glide across the water like aquatic butterflies. And the highlight of the tour, the whale sharks, as large as passenger buses, swam majestically around the tank.

Yuzu had run out of superlatives and even Javi was impressed. They found a bench with a good view of the tank and sat down to enjoy the watery scene. It was chilly inside the aquarium and they were both only wearing the souvenir shirts. Javi put an arm around Yuzu and rubbed his hands up and down Yuzu’s cold arms, warming them up. 

“I thought we were going to a hospital,” Javi said.

“This more fun, yes?” Yuzu said.

“Definitely. But how is this supposed to help with your cough?”

“Hmmm. It help,” Yuzu said, leaning against Javi, resting a hand on his thigh just above his knee. 

Yuzu went through his new checklist. Happiness. Warmth in his chest. Not wanting this to end. Good. He still loves Javi.

“Javi? You said before I’m not difficult to love,” Yuzu said. 

“When you’re not being annoying or aggravating, sure.”

Yuzu laughed, enjoying the teasing. “Yes, when I’m not being. But how to know if someone loves me?” 

Yuzu has been bothered by this. If he hadn’t known that he loved Javi, how could he know if Javi loves him back. It would be excellent if Javi does. Not only does the idea of being loved by Javi make something warm spread from Yuzu’s chest, it also means he doesn’t have to undergo surgery. A win-win as far as Yuzu can see. But how can Yuzu tell? And if he can’t tell, how can the plant?

“That’s easy. If they know you, Yuzu, then they love you,” Javi said with a smile.

Yuzu snorted, despite the pleased smile and blush coloring his cheeks. “Patrick knows me and most definitely does NOT love me.”

“ _Tsundere_ , maybe?”

Yuzu laughed, delighted. 5 years together and they picked up the most questionable words from each other’s language.

“I like this. I’ve always wanted to go to an aquarium,” Yuzu said with a happy sigh.

“Why _are_ we in one, Yuzu? This is nice, I’m having a great time, but I can’t even get you to come have coffee with me and now we’ve had dinner and a trip to the aquarium. What’s going on?”

“You don’t like?” Yuzu asked, moving sideways to face Javi. He tucked his hair behind one ear, a self-soothing habit. Javi reached up and tucked Yuzu’s hair behind his other ear, familiar with the gesture.

“I like. I wouldn’t have said yes, if --” an odd expression crossed Javi’s face.

“Yuzu.”

“Yes?”

“Are we….Is this a date?”

The pink that crept up Yuzu’s neck and heated his cheeks was answer enough.

“And the dinner? You in my bed. You were trying to seduce me!” Javi said, smile broadening to a grin.

Yuzu pouted. “Don’t laugh. I work hard for this.”

“You got drunk and fell asleep. That’s not working hard,” Javi pointed out.

Yuzu made a face and actually stuck a tongue out at Javi. “It was first time. I get better. Today is fun, yes?” Yuzu asked hopefully.

“Today is very fun,” Javi said, cupping Yuzu’s cheek, smile soft.

“Good,” Yuzu replied with a happy smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner, Yuzu. I didn’t think you were ready for this. You’re so focused on skating.”

“I still want to skate. Want to win. But,” Yuzu paused, considering his words, “I want this too.”

“I could have brought you flowers.” Javi said.

Yuzu shook his head. “I get flowers enough. This is good. My first time in aquarium. I’m happy you with me.”

“What’s on your list today? The other night you kept saying dinner, wine, get in bed. What about today?”

“No list,” Yuzu said, shaking his head. “But I have to tell you I love you. Oh,” Yuzu stopped, realizing what he said.

Javi grinned at him.

“Ask me again how to know if someone loves you,” Javi said.

“How do I know if you love me, Javi?”

“Anyone who knows you loves you, Yuzu. And I’ve known you for years.” Javi leaned in and kissed him.

Yuzu had thought that being with Javi made his chest warm. But it was nothing to the heat that exploded in his chest now, obliterating exotic flora. It was almost painful. For a moment he couldn’t breathe. But Javi was patient. And as Yuzu began to kiss him back, the heat spread out from his chest across his entire body.

So _this_ is what it feels like to be loved back. Or maybe it's just Javi.

 

They never did finish the tour of the aquarium. 

“Who signs a contract just to go on a date?” Javi asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

They were walking directly to the exit, bypassing exhibits, clasped hands swinging gently between them. 

“I wish we see the penguins. They look very cute in pictures,” Yuzu said wistfully.

“Yuzu, you do know there’s an aquarium 30 minutes away from TCC?” Javi said.

“There is?” Yuzu asked, startled.

“Yes.”

“They have penguins?” Yuzu said excitedly. 

“We can find out,” Javi said, smiling. 

And he pulled Yuzu in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] _Tsundere_ refers to a person who is initially cold (and sometimes even hostile) before gradually showing a warmer, friendlier side over time. 
> 
> [2] I hope you enjoyed the fic and thank you for being patient. I got distracted by Yuzu IRL. 
> 
> As always, drop me a line at the comments below or at onewhiteblossom@gmail.com. I love to talk.  
> Find me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/onewhiteblossom) for more Yuzu love.


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